What is it about acceptance that so many people talk about?
While some people believed acceptance is the essential step to bring about change in life, others are rightly confused about it while experiencing struggles which seemingly cannot be accepted.
What acceptance really refers to and why is it a powerful transformational tool – when understood correctly?
At first, we need to learn to distinguish what is – the so-called present moment – and our unique perception of what’s going on around us – the stories running through our minds describing it.
Reality might present itself as another human being speaking really loud in front of us. The story which we tell ourselves might describe it in various ways, entirely based on our conditioning. It might say something like “How dare he shout at me?” which initiates an anger-based response inside of us or “I am really terrible; I must have done something really bad to cause this” which results in self-loathing.
Now, at this stage, I am not suggesting the best way to enforce our boundaries.
I am merely describing the factual choice we have in perceiving the events presented to us as we please. Whether we are aware of the choice or not, it is there. We are the ones assigning meaning to what we perceive by our senses.
Acceptance refers to the present moment. It refers to what is really happening opposed to what we think it means.
Please, don’t accept the stories you tell yourself about what’s happening. Consequences of that tend to be very unpleasant.
In fact, you gotta reject those stories…but how do you do that?
Well, it comes naturally as your understanding that it is just stories you tell (and sell) yourself grows. Conceptual understanding is not enough, we have to experience it.
One way to increase the level of understanding this is meditation.
Meditation does not require sitting cross-legged in silence. Meditation means observing the thoughts as they come while also paying close attention to the world around us, which we perceive through our senses.
It literally builds the understanding of distinction I mentioned above. We begin to understand the difference between what is really happening and the stories which we tell ourselves to describe it. Stories describing our situation, the implications of what’s happening, what it means about us and how the world is as a consequence, etc.
As we begin to understand we can only feel our thinking, we then begin to see it is rarely what is happening around us that causes our unhappiness.
So many of us suffer our unique description of reality thinking it’s the reality itself what we suffer.
Acceptance suggests us to accept the isness of a moment instead of adding an inner resistance in a form of stories to it.
Acceptance does not remove your ability to bring about change in a situation. In fact, It enhances it…but no point in believing me, you gotta try it out yourself.
When you fall into a river, it might be unpleasant, because it is cold…and you gotta do something about it. Action is required. Complaining about it is useless.
Distinct a moment you are in…from everything your mind is telling you about the moment you are in.
Stop making yourself feel miserable by believing in those stories, just because they appeared in your mind.
Being miserable is never the best state to bring about change.
Miserable attracts misery…so you can find friends in your despair and be miserable together…create yourself nice group identity of those poor guys or those better than others. None of this will help.
If you are sick of unhappiness, stop generating it. Reclaim responsibility for your inner state.
It’s all about understanding.
Understanding we can only feel our thinking and beyond that, we are always quite at peace.
At peace, alert and ready to do what needs to be done.
Understanding that it’s our own thoughts which drives us nuts and… that they are really not our own per se, we’ve learned them from others, adopted them along the way and now we call them ours.
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